11 July 16 - Lepidopterists Society Announce The Winner Of The 2016 Summer Photo Competition

It is less than three weeks since the shock announcement from the Lepidopterists Society that they were to hold a summer photo competition. Normally, these photo competitions only occur every ten years or so & this news took everybody by surprise & left photographers scrambling around for photos to submit. The judges stated they would eliminate one photo at a time until there were only two finalists left.

Fox(glove) Pug: Despite picking up a handful of votes from a few of the elderly judges, the majority of the judges quickly rule out Mr Fox(glove) as being totally unsuitable as he was far to dull, uninspiring & unpopular. Swanage (30 June 2010)

Following this initial rejection of Mr Fox(glove), another photographer decided to abandon the competition stating he hadn't read the rules & didn't realised the competition was only open to Moths & that his photo wasn't suitable. But he said he had been please to have got further in the competition than Mr Fox(glove).

'Red-faced' Crab: Mr Crabb decided it was better to retreat into his shell than be eliminated by the judges in the next round. Strawberry Hermit Crab, Tenararo, French Polynesia (13 Nov 2014)

This left just three in the competition & the judges got to vote one more out of the competition at the next stage. With the votes cast, it was clear which was the most unpopular photo: the Grey Dagger (or is it the Dark Dagger).

Grey Dagger or maybe Dark Dagger: They are very hard to tell apart & perhaps the best way is to check the genitalia. This does mean killing the Moth, which following recent events a number of the judges were in favour of doing, but in the end the judges agreed it would be too unpleasant to have to examine the genitalia. Swanage (26 May 2012)

The judges decided it was in very poor taste to have the dagger tattooed all over its back. This is believed to have been the very same dagger it has used only the previous week to eliminate the leading photographer & stop him from submitting his highly praised photo at the last minute. Many expected this photographer, Mr John Boriston, to have romped home with this photo.

Pop(u)lar  Hawk Moth: Laothoe populi subspecies johnsoni. This Moth is often to be found in a trap full of Maiden's Blush Moths. Most people had clearly expected the Hawk Moth to easily win the competition. Swanage (22 June 2010)

With just two photos left, the judges announced they would open up the voting to their full membership over the summer. Some members of the public had thought such an important competition should have been open to everybody & had recently joined the Lepidopterists Society in expectation they would get the chance to choose between the final two. They will now be bitterly disappointed & frustrated to have wasted their money.

Lead(som)-coloured Drab, but Moth experts have been quick to point out that this is in fact a Brussels Lace & not the far duller Lead(som)-coloured Drab. Supporters of the photographer were quick to rally around their favourite photographer & rebut suggestions that a more interesting sounding Moth that had been substituted to appeal to the elderly & mainly male voters. They stated this was yet another dirty tricks campaign by their opponents who have substituted this European sounding Moth to discredit their photographer. Swanage (4 July 2010)

In another unexpected announcement today, the Lepidopterists Society said that they have a clear competition winner, despite telling everybody that they weren't going to announce the winner till September. This follows the shock announcement this lunchtime, that one of the two finalists has just announced that she would be withdrawing her photo. The photographer complained that her recent statements over the weekend has been misquoted, especially the ones where she said her photo was the best one & she should win as it will appeal to "All Moth-ers". She was highly critical of The Lepidopterists Times misspelling this as "All Mothers". This left a clear & decisive winner for the 2016 Summer Photo Competition: May Highflyer.

July Highflyer: You will have to make do with this timely July Highflyer rather than the May Highflyer: we are not allowed to publish the winning photo prior to official approval by the Queen later this week. Swanage (17 July 2010)

Tonight the Lepidopterists are celebrating the unexpected quick results & news of their 2016 Summer Photo Competition winner. A happy spokesman said "This is how to do it. We want to show clear & decisive decision making". We have announced our winner today in less than three weeks, while the Red Rose Natural History Society are still deciding whether to hold a competition or not. One journalist missed the breaking news & turned up for the press conference of the Red Rose NHS to learn that they have had just one photo of an Eagle submitted for their Summer Photo Competition so far. There has also been a lot of argument within the Red Rose NHS as to whether the clear winner of the 2015 Summer Photo Competition can reuse his winning & clearly popular photo of a Limpet.

The Drinker: A leading spokesman from the UK Insect Party are expected to complain that it is wrong for the May Highflyer photo to win as the Moth isn't leaning far enough to the right for their liking. Swanage (21 July 2010)

26 June 16 - European Bins & Scopes To Be Banned

Following the tumultuous vote in the British Union For Ornithology (BUFO) referendum on the question "Do you wish to Remain to be allowed to use European Optics" or "Leave the European Optics alone", then there have been traumatic times for British Birders in the last few days.

With the vote unexpectedly going in favour of the Leave campaign, then there have been major drops on the FTSE & sterling. The Leave team had campaigned to stop Birders from being able to buy expensive European optics. As a result, shares in camera and optics companies have plummeted on the news of their victory. Similar big drops in the share prices of banks have occurred as Birders will no longer be asking for loans to buy expensive optics.

The Outers, who had no plan for the future, have reacted to the news of their victory with joy, but panic (as they never expected to win). When asked for his thoughts & his favourite optics, the leader of the Leave campaign, John Boriston said "Cripes. So we won, crikey. Old JoBo's favourite optics have always been my eyes. I've always been a keen birdwatcher & I'm especially keen on those two-legged Birds". At that point, he saw a good looking Bird go past & cut the interview short to cycle after her.

Another Leave supporter quietly admitted "I only voted Leave, so I could moan for the next few years, everything was the fault of the Remain camp. What have I done?".

Another more candid comment came from an unnamed Birder who said "I could never afford the prices of a pair of Leica or Swarovski bins on my benefits. Therefore, it was natural I voted Leave. Why should other Birders have what I can't afford? If the Remain camp were serious, then they should have increased my benefits, not cut them".

Many Birders woken up shocked & stunned, at the Leave news on Friday morning. A Birder who didn't want to be named, told our reporter "The problem is the referendum was opened up to the wrong people. The decision should have been left to the experts, namely Birders. We care passionately about our optics. By opening the referendum up to the families of Birders, then you allowed my wife a vote as well. She was swayed by the Outer's promise, that if I wasn't spending the money we should have being saving to allow our children to go to university, then she could have a new kitchen. Where the logic in that?". He the added "Please don't publish my name as I can't afford a divorce at the moment, especially as I still have to pay off my now worthless telescope for the next two years. I only told my wife about the initial deposit, not the monthly repayments. She hasn't spotted my new camera body either".

Perhaps the strongest opposition have come from the Next Generation Birders (NGB) community of Birders, who are all under 25. One prominent NGB Birder said "I will be permanently in debt for many years to come. My bank refused me a huge expensive loan to buy my European optics. My only option was to go to university & spend much of my student loan to buy a top of the range Swarovski bins & telescope. Now I have to study for the next two years & I don't know where the money for that will come from".

As the pound crashed following the news of the Leave vote & the expected ban on European optics, then traders rushed to put their money into the traditional safe havens of gold & silver. But market watchers were surprised that the price of scrap brass doubled in the first hours after the result was announced. Initially this confused market analysts, until news started filtering out that the only British telescopes ever made were a long forgotten range of brass draw tube telescopes. It is thought they will be the only ones allowed in the future.

This has led to long retired Birdwatchers searching their lofts for their old brass draw tube & up to now, worthless telescopes. Back in the 60s & 70s, keen seawatchers could be seen huddled stretched out on cold beaches using long brass draw tube telescopes looking out to sea. Photos are rare of these telescopes, but check out this photo of one in use at the first British Forster's Tern twitch.

In the 80s, the first of the new generation telescopes appeared and Birders suddenly realised you didn't need to lie down on a cold sloping beach & balance a five foot long brass telescope on your feet. Instead you could see more using a modern shorter, light-weight, telescope balanced on a tripod. The European telescope manufacturers flooded the UK market & Birders quickly dumped their useless telescopes, putting the UK telescope companies out of business.

NGB Birders have complained, the result of the referendum is the fault of the Birding Old Timers (BOT). It's alright for the BOTs, they still have their old optics. We can't afford to buy these antique telscopes, whereas they still have them. It's bad enough that the BOTs all have big lists, whereas we still have to race off all the time to slowly try to close the huge gaps in our lists. But now they have the only optics that are likely to be legal to use in the future. They won't even complain that the quality of the optics is poor, as they will assume it their failing eyesight anyway & just book up for another eye test. It's so unfair.

15 Nov 15 - The End Of The Taxonomical Sub Committee (For The UK List)

Birders were shocked today to hear the surprise news that the British Union For Ornithology, BUFO, have bowed to government pressure & disbanded BUFO's long standing Taxonomic Sub Committee, TSC. For many years the TSC had provides an independent assessment of Bird species & subspecies. Now in a stroke & with no explanation, BUFO's independent scientific committee has been shelved. A Birder was recently heard to quip, Fowl Play was involved, but this is no laughing matter. It is being quietly whispered that the government Home Secretary, Mrs May, had been lobbying hard to do away with the TSC after 2015 has repeatedly shown that the government's has failed to secure the UK borders against arrivals of immigrants. The Birding world have been shocked to hear it was pressure from Mrs May, especially given her ancestral links to the world of Bird taxonomy. It was her Great Great Great Grandfather & pioneering naturalist, Cape May, who first described this small American Warbler.

Cape May Warbler: It is widely believed that Mrs May personally intervened to grant a visa for this individual to visit the May ancestral home in the Shetlands two years ago. Baltasound (29 Oct 13)

A BUFO spokesman said off the record, we believe the government is trying to look tough about immigration. They believe that by disbanding the TSC, they will fool the general public into thinking they are taking strong action against immigration. By stopping the TSC, they think the public will believe no new species will appear in the UK.

But a different viewpoint comes from the UK's leading NGO, Rare Immigrant Alert. They have been monitoring the arrival of these immigrants for 24 years. Their spokesman Mr 'Golly Its' Mark said 2015 is a year that has seen unprecedented waves of immigrants. They have many arrival routes. Mr Mark said that the Immigration Services should be commended for making good progress in a historically weak area of Scillies & the South West. Few immigrants have made it through that route this year, an area that has seen a lot of success over recent years. He added, I think that is a really good news story, it's a sod of a journey from my home in Norfolk.

But action has been poor at other traditional points of weakness such as the South Coast. In Sep, a major breach occurred with the well documented arrival of an American Acadian Flycatcher at Dungeness. This was seen perching on boats on the beach. Perhaps even the one that landed it. Large numbers of left wing do-gooders & environmental enthusiasts rushed there to welcome it, but not one member of the Immigration Services was seen. Mr Mark said the government have focused their staff on the Eurotunnel & the Dover ferries & have taken their eye of the ball off the UK coastline.

Acadian Flycatcher: This left egg on the face of the UK Immigration Services. Dungeness (22 Sep 15)

Another area of clear under-investment by the Immigration Services has been the Northern Isles. Mr Mark said this whole region had been totally ignored. There have been unprecedented arrivals of Yellow-browed Warblers from Eastern Russia. They came from well outside the EU. It is widely suspected that other Scandinavian EU partner countries were allowing the fast transit through the region to the Northern Isles. Once there, they quickly dispersed throughout the UK. A government spokesman, who refused to be named, said this has been devolved to the regions & it was the failure of the Scottish National Independence Party (SNIP).

Yellow-browed Warbler: The spokesman said the UK government had helped a number of these Yellow-browed Warblers get onto ferries from Portsmouth & Plymouth, to encourage them to travel down to Spain, once they got South of the border. This is our payment for the Spanish & French authorities helping to dump large numbers of Killer Jellyfish on our beaches (read the full exclusive by the Daily Wail here). Gisla, Lewis (16 Oct 15)

But there were many other breaches of the immigration in areas under SNIP's control, with a Wilson's Warbler, a Chestnut Bunting, as well as, a number of rare Thrushes & Warblers arriving throughout the Northern Isles & that was just this Autumn. Mr Mark said, SNIP has failed completely to get on top of immigration in the Northern Isles.

Chestnut Bunting: Papa Westray (28 Oct 15)

But the problem isn't confined to Scotland. The Welsh government has also failed when a new Welsh point of entry shown up in 2015 on the North West Islands of Wales. Here a Cretzschmar's Bunting arrived fresh from Turkey. It stayed for over a week & only disappeared when a Welsh government boat was seen approaching the island. This is another species which clearly arrived into Greece & should have stayed & sought residence there. But instead it appears to have been smuggled on its way to the UK, via Bardsey Island.

Cretzschmar's Bunting: The start of a new Welsh smuggling route for immigrants? Bardsey (18 June 15)

Many Birders are worrying now about who will decide about future splits which might be allowed onto to the UK List. A government official said the UK Treasury has this in hand. The TSC is to be privatised in the next year. His Secretary of State, Mr Bornin-Oz, has been holding high level talks with a number of interested parties. Recent discussions have included meetings & a state visit from the Chinese President, See Dis-Pingu. Birders feel their lists might be devalued if Pingu the Penguin, Peking Duck and Mandarin Duck are fully admitted onto the UK List.

Ring-necked Parakeet or Green Squawker: Presumed to be the former. Bharatphur, India (27 Jan 14)

Another more recent state visit was from the Indian Prime Minister, Mr Moody. Birders were less sure about this. Many were critical that they will be expected to fully tick Ring-necked Parakeet & how to separate it from the near identical Green Squawker Parakeet. The latter has been claimed on a number of occasions in London, but so far hasn't been accepted onto the UK List. Birders have said, if Martin Garner hasn't figured this out on the excellent Birding Frontiers website, then what hope have we got.

Indian House Crow: Some Twitchers were pushing for the Indian Birding Club to take over the role of the TSC, hoping they will go soft on any future Indian House Crows records. Port Blair ferry, Andamans, India (23 Dec 13)

A few years ago, the obvious Atlantic partner organisation would have been the American Ornithological Union. But following a recent & bitter bidding war, the AOU's Taxonomical Committee was recently sold to the Disney Corporation. This has been watched with interest by members of the UK government who couldn't decide if they preferred the rival bid by the Fox Corporation or whether they would prefer to see the Fox bid hunted to extinction. Birders expect to lose out, if the privitised AOU Taxonomical Committee take over the UK List. This would be a double whammy, with the loss of species such as Green-winged Teal, but also having to pay huge costs of taking the family to see Donald Duck, following the recognition by the AOU of the offshore UK dependency of Disneyland, Paris.

Teal (left) & Green-winged Teal (right): One of several potential losses to the UK List as the AOU Taxonomical Committee can't tell the difference (once the specimen has been shot & cooked). Brands Bay (31 Dec 14)

Many Birders feel the obvious choice for maintaining the UK List (if the TSC couldn't be saved), would be the Association of European Records & Rarities Committees, AERRC. But it is widely believed that Tory back benchers have already nobbled this option, as it is one of the government's demands over the future of the UK in Europe.

But perhaps Birders biggest fear is that the role of the TSC will go to the lowest bidder. Many Birders feels this could be sold cheaply to 'Bare' Lee Credible who is Life President of the IQ40 Club. Mr Credible has been lobbying hard for this in recent weeks, including a recent statement on Twitter of "It is crazy that an out-dated committee is making decisions of what listers can tick. That is a job I should be doing". There are rumours of a secret pact between Tory back benchers & Nigel Farfetched, the leader of UKIQP, the political wing of The IQ40 Club. This has increased the fear that the role will go to the IQ40 Club to 'buy off the Tory back bench rebels'. Birders on recent twitches having been overheard discussing this worrying scenario.

Crag Martin: Why aren't Birders on BF calling this an escape? It's a worrying time. Chesterfield Zoo (14 Nov 15)

A Birdforum spokesman said, there has been so much worry about the disbanding of the BUFO TSC on BF, that we had to upgrade to faster servers. He added, there has been a near total absence of anybody stating the Crag Martin was an escape. A year ago we would have expected the escaped Crag Martin theory to be a big discussion point on BF given the crazy date, ridiculous location, the end of the Autumn & the long dark nights. We even tried adding our own inflammatory statements to encourage people, but we have been unable to get Birders to say they wouldn't go to the end of their own road to see a Crag Martin. This is unprecedented for a top ten rarity. That's how much Birders are focused on the replacement to the TSC. What is clear is Birders will be spending the Winter months worrying about the future credibility of their Lists.

22 July 15 - Coastal House Prices Set To Fall As...

In a break from the normal Posts, this is the first of an occasional Guest Posts. Today's Post has been written by Rich Foole, Lead Editorial Writer for the popular right leaning Daily Wail newspaper.

Coastal house prices are set to free fall as swarms of Killer Jellyfish invade the coastline. These Jellyfish have been arriving all along the Southern coastlines over the last few months. None of the Jellyfish have been found in possession of a UK passport and all are believed to be illegal immigrants. They appear in the night time and are making it difficult for our readers, especially the dog walkers & beach-lovers, to enjoy the beaches. Many of our readers are too scared to walk their dogs on the beaches, fearful that these Jellyfish will suddenly jump up and maul their dogs. 

Barrel Jellyfish: This looks very fat, perhaps it has already fed on a small dog. South Haven, Studland (9 July)

Budget cuts have meant the Border Force have been caught out as these Killer Jellyfish continue to arrive. A spokesman for the Border Force admitted off the record, we blame it on the problems in the Mediterranean, especially in Libya. The European Mediterranean countries should be doing more to stop them appearing in the Med. Once they get out of the Med, they are quickly arriving in areas like Calais. Here the French are encouraging them to leave French waters & make the short crossing to the British beaches.

Barrel Jellyfish: Not looking at it's best. South Haven, Studland (9 July)

The UKIQP leader, Mr Farfetched, was quick to call for the EU to pay for all the Jellyfish to be returned to Europe. He said this would not happen if the government had listened to him & built a wall all along our territorial water borders. It worked for Hadrian 1900 years ago & it could work for the UK again today.

Barrel Jellyfish: Note, the killer tentacles stretching out towards our intrepid cameraman. South Haven, Studland (9 July)

With no let up to their arrival in sight, the Daily Wail believes it won't be long before coastal house prices are in free fall. This wouldn't have happened if Mrs Thatcher was still running the government, instead of the left wing puppet, David Camerbert.

 
We do not believe the explanations about these Jellyfish by TV wildlife presenter, Steve Backshall, published recently on Twitter. Yet again it proves you should not believe what you read on social media (apart from the Daily Wail tweets, of course). The article was desperately published by The Guardian, but clearly it can't be treated seriously.

19 May 15 - Have You Seen An Orange Dove In The UK This Summer?

The results of this May's UK National Bird survey are in and it has highlighted an 86% drop in Orange Doves in the UK in the last five years. In the last survey, this species was found in 57 pockets scattered from the South West & Southern England to its strongholds in Scotland, especially in the Highlands & Islands. But the latest survey has shown the Orange Dove has crashed in all these areas, with just eight isolated populations left in the UK.

Orange Dove: A rare species I have yet to photograph (so I had to borrow this image - copyright the Lib Dems) 

When asked for an official government comment, a senior spokesman looked up briefly from his plate of roast Grouse & Peasant (surely a typo Ed) & laughed. After recovering his composure, he blamed the Badgers & promised to extend their slaughter. Off the record, he admitted the Badger slaughter in the last few years was a secret trial to protect the Orange Doves in the South West. The cull to reduce TB was purely a cover story. Despite its failure, with no Orange Doves found in the latest survey, the spokesman was adamant the Badger cull had to press on to protect the Orange Dove. When asked what scientific evidence backed up the cull, he pointed out the lack of Badgers on the Shetlands, the only place in Scotland where the Orange Dove has clung on.

Badger: The cause of the decline of Orange Doves according to a Government spokesman. Poole Harbour (Apr 14)

He then added, don't be complacent, Foxy, we know you are guilty as well & will be coming for you, just as soon as we have introduced tax breaks for anybody who likes to wear a red jacket & white jodphurs whilst riding their horses.

Fox: Another species implicated in the decline of Orange Doves according to the Government spokesman. Middlebere (12 Sep 14)

The President of the leading IQ40 Bird Watching Club was surprisingly elated. Mr 'Bear' Lee Credible has been known to birdwatchers for many years for his extreme views. He quoted, Mr Farfetched, the press officer of UKIQP, the IQ40's political arm of the IQ40 club, who has blamed the decline of Orange Doves on Foreign Doves coming over here & causing the problem. But ever the opportunist, Bear Lee encouraged people to sign up for his Round Britain tours which will visit the remaining strongholds for Orange Doves.

Many conservationists are worried about the future of the Orange Dove as historically this species has been on long term decline. It was widely established across the UK, but has been in terminal decline since the widespread planting of Red Roses in the UK after the First World War.

12 Oct 14 - Launch Of The New IQ30 Bird Club

Following the recent voting success in Clacton for UKIQP, the political wing of the IQ40 club, the IQ40 Club is pleased to announce today the launch of the new IQ30 Club. This will be a Bird Club for  supporters of UKIQP. So if you are fed up of all those Foreign Birds coming over here & getting all the attention, then this is the Bird Club for you. The rules are simple. You will be only be allowed to tick British Birds. Some are obvious such as Blackbirds & Robins. 

Blackbird: Juvenile. Clearly no problem ticking this resident Blackbird. This Studland Blackbird is 100% pukka as it was clearly born here (31 May 14)

Robin: Nearly all Robins are fine, but beware the greyish backed European Robins on the East coast in the Autumn, as they won't be tickable. Old Harry (4 Sep 14)

But other British Birds you can Tick are those which have long winters abroad like the Swallows & House Martins before coming home again to breed.

House Martin: These bred here, but like to have long holidays abroad in the winter & they are still tickable. Studland (6 Sep 14)

Also the British breeding Warblers such as Chiffchaffs & Whitethroats are obviously tickable. After all who doesn't enjoy their Winter holidays in the sun. 

Chiffchaff: IQ30 Birders will obviously have to ensure they aren't wrongly ticking a Siberian Chiffchaff as these will not be tickable. Studland (7 Oct 14)

Whitethroat: Clearly tickable, especially as this was born here. Old Harry (4 Sep 14)

But you will not be able to tick those European Birds that come here without permission and should be sent back to Europe. So out go the Redwings, Fieldfares & Waxwings which come over here in the Winter & eat our British Bird's berries.

Waxwing: Waxwings wouldn't be tickable as they are a European species that only come here to exploit our berries and not contribute anything. Poole (12 Dec 10)

But don't worry about not being able to Tick these common Winter visitors the spokesman for the IQ30 Club said. You can sign up now for one of our exclusive IQ30 Summer Tours, where in addition to the Scottish Specialities, we will take you to our special & secret sites, where you will be able to Tick breeding Snow Buntings, Redwings and Fieldfares. These trips will be timed to see the British chicks, as well as their British parents. You will all be expected to buy & wear our special IQ30 blindfolds so you cannot reveal our secret sites. He finished by saying they double up as exclusive bandanas, in a desperate attempt to woo back former members of the IQ40 club.

Fieldfare: Winter Fieldfares won't be tickable, but our special Tours go to our secret & exclusive sites where they breed & all Tour participants will get a certificate to prove they have a tickable Fieldfare on their IQ30 Club lists. This Fieldfare photographed at Dungeness wouldn't be tickable (8 March 14)

The IQ30 spokesman also said you won't be allowed to Tick the gaudy European Birds that arrive here every year without permission. He said we will made clear statements of what can & can't be ticked. For example, Bee-eaters are clear European & can't be ticked. But the Isle of Wight 8, referring to the 8 babies that were born in the UK are fully tickable. He confirmed their parents are not countable. The beaming smile on his face indicated he clearly has this major IQ30 Club Blocker on his list.

Bee-eater: Gaudy adults like this would not be tickable, although the spokesman said the Isle of Wight 8 would be fully tickable. Beit She'an, Israel (12 April 14)

For years UKIQP have argued that these European Birds should be caught by Ringers. Once caught they should be quickly bagged and put on the next Eurostar before being released. Their leader, Mr Farfetched, says they will hold the balance of power after next year's Bird Elections and the old parties such as BUFO (British Union For Ornithology) and BOT (British Ornithology Trust) have had their day. After all he argued, how can you trust organisations that are named after the Common Toad or rude parts of the body, to represented today's Birders. We are the organisation of the future and we will send these Foreign Birds back, suitably marked with a special ring to show they have been deported. That way if they return, it will be obvious they won't be tickable.

Subalpine Warbler: This is a classic species that would be deported if caught by a ringer according to the UKIQP manifesto. Velji Do, Croatia (5 May 14)

The IQ30 spokesman announced they were pleased to hear the news that following the successful campaign to keep Scotland part of the UK, by the Bigger Together team, that Scottish Birders realised the threats to their lists and voted to keep those English & Welsh Birds on their lists.

Corn Crake: Scottish Corn Crakes are still fully tickable now Scottish Birders voted for the Bigger Together campaign in the recent Scottish Birders referendum organised by SNIP, the Scottish Nationalist Independence Party. They wanted to drastically snip the Lists of Scottish Birders & stop them ticking English & Welsh Birds. Balranald (4 June 12)

Critics have been quick to respond how will we know what we can Tick. This has already been full thought out by the President of the IQ40 Club, and new IQ30 Club, said their spokesman. He went on to say short term visas will be introduced to allow the American Birds to be ticked. The President will also judge which of these birds will get visas allowing them to be ticked & which will be extended to give them automatic rights to be ticked on future Year Lists.

Mourning Dove: This American visitor would be is likely to get a visa allowing it to be ticked. But it's possible that being on a distant island, a visa might be ruled out: depending on whether members of the IQ30 Club committee travelled to add it to their IQ30 Year List. Rum (30 Oct 13)

He said some of the British Wildfowl will become fully tickable: Black Swans and Bar-headed Geese which were clearly born here will be eligible for ticking. He said BUFO need to allow these species. But he said with a smile, clearly enjoying his own joke, the organisation was old & warty and he is looking forward to the day it croaks for the last time.

Bar-headed Goose: British born Bar-headed Geese would be added to the IQ30 List. Bharatpur, India (27 Jan 14)

So join the IQ30 Club now as we have a special offer at the moment, with a 50% discount on the membership fees for members of UKIQP or for subscribers to the Daily Birding Mail.

30 Aug 14 - IQ40 Club Announce English & Scottish Ospreys To Be Split

During a visit to the annual 'In The Rut' Bird Show a spokesman for the IQ40 Club, Mr 'Bear' Lee Creditable, shocked the Birding world with the news that Scottish Ospreys are soon to be tickable for members of the IQ40 Club alongside English Ospreys. He continued by saying the Scientific Panel of the IQ40 Club have investigated this thoroughly and the facts are clear. We are on the eve of a Yes vote by Scottish Birders in the forthcoming crucial Referendum when they will be asked to decide "Do You Wish Your List To Become Independent From The UK List". The likely result is the Scottish List will become an Independent List & clearly this is good evidence for separating these 2 species of Ospreys.

Osprey: Further taxonomic work is needed on this Osprey. Kfar Ruppin, Israel (13 April 14)

Dressed in his signature white suit, 'Bear' Lee is believed to have finished the statement with his popular sound bite "I have the whitest suit in birding, I have the whitest List". Unfortunately, the recording of the interview became unclear at the end, due to a prolonged bout of loud coughing from nearby birders.

Osprey: This one isn't going to go hungry. Eilat, Israel (9 April 14)

The move was backed by the Fair Birders Organisation who have sponsored the Ospreys that have bred nearby for several years at Osprey Waters (formally Rutland Water), where they hold their annual Bird Show gathering. This backing was seen as a cynical ploy to push up attendance at future Bird Shows.

Osprey: Eilat, Israel (9 April 14)

When the idea of a Bird Show was first discussed, there was considerable lobbying from the usual big interest groups, of the Yorkshire, Norfolk & Kent Bird Clubs to host this new show. In a move to avoid a Birding War of the Roses between the White Rose of Yorkshire, the Kentish Rose & the Norfolk Poppy-Rose, the Fair Birders Organisation settled on the neutral ground of Rutland. It was an ideal compromise as this county was done away with, by one of the Whitehall's Sir Humphreys in 1972 and didn't have a Rose to compete either. It is widely believed that the Sir Humphreys involved has historic links to Leicestershire, the only county to benefit from this annexation. As he signed the annexation order he was heard to mutter, "At long last, Leicestershire birders will have somewhere worthwhile to go Birding". 

Osprey: Periyar, Western Ghats, India (10 Jan 14)

Welcoming the news that English Ospreys were to become a near endemic breeding bird in his county, investigative journalist at the Llama Times & local birder, Andy Llama commented "it's that exciting, I might start blogging again". In the past, Mr Llama has investigated the shady world of 'Bear' Lee and the shadowy world of the IQ40 Club and many hope he will come out of semi-retirement and return to the world of blogging.

Scottish Osprey: Heavily cropped with the Canon 7D & 400mm lens. Middlebere (30 Aug 14)

Scottish Osprey: The uncropped version of the same photo. Middlebere (30 Aug 14)

This is believed to be a Scottish Osprey as it's been heard to give its distinctive call. This has been described in words in the latest field guide as "I have had enough of being fed on a diet of Salmond". This is understood to be a reference to every time the Salmon communicates, all anybody hears is Pollocks (is this spelt right?).

Scottish Osprey: Digiscoped photo. Still struggling by the small pixel size from the IPhone after zooming it. Middlebere (30 Aug 14)

This Osprey has headed South to Poole Harbour in search of Pollocks, which apparently taste great. The Osprey is understood to have indicated it would love to return to breed in Poole Harbour, as they are already empty homes for it to occupy. But it was worried it would become as fat & obese, as the overlarge polystyrene Osprey models (sponsored by the Big MacOsprey Co). These have been placed in some of the nests to attact the Ospreys to their local reserve, by the RSPOB, Royal Society for the Promotion of Obese Birds.

29 Aug 14 - Crucial Imminent Vote For Scottish Birders

In under 3 weeks, there will be a crucial vote for all Scottish Birders. Scottish Birders will be asked to decide "Do You Wish Your List To Become Independent From The UK". This post can now reveal for the first time some of the real facts behind the Yes campaign.

The date for this crucial referendum has been chosen with great care by the Yes campaign. They have gone back & scoured history & selected the key date of 18 Sept for it's historical significance. There has been a lot of speculation in the press, about it being on the anniversary of some big battle. That is just coincidence. This blog can now reveal the true significance of the 18 Sept. It is only 5 days after the only UK Hawk Owl in living memory was found on 12 Sept 83 near Lerwick (and 4 days after it disappeared). The Referendum was chosen to celebrate the day the Bressay finders planned to go birding a couple of days later & were lucky to relocated it on Bressay. The historical significance of this date is therefore obvious. Some of the key people behind the Yes campaign managed to twitch this bird on Bressay & grip it back on those who got to see it near Lerwick. The subliminal message is also clear: it was there on the 18 Sept, but it was not actually seen on that date. So if you live South of the border, you will be denied to get this on your UK list, when the next one turns up in Shetlands. Also if you did see it, you will have it removed as it will no longer be in the UK.

Hawk Owl: Will we ever get another chance to tick in the UK: if there is a Yes vote it seems unlikely. Zwolle, Holland (29 Nov 13) 

The timing of the vote has a second significance. The date is also just before the start of the main Shetlands & Fair Isle Birding season. In recent years, Birders have headed to the Shetlands & Fair Isle from mid September onwards from all over the UK. A Yes vote might seem appealing. After all, if Scotland becomes independent, then the UK birders won't be allowed to tick Birds in Scotland. So most will stop going & be forced to return to the traditional old haunts of the Scillies & West Cornwall.  Perhaps Lundy (the site of a number of Firsts for the UK) will again become popular. So it would seem appealing to a Scottish voter to vote Yes. After all, it will be easier to make a booking on Fair Isle or get a seat on a plane there, if there are only Scottish twitchers trying to get there. Also, a Yes vote will appear to provide a greater chance of a self found Scottish mega. But with the loss of all those English Birder's eyes covering the Shetlands & Fair Isle, maybe less rarities will be found. It would bring a premature end to the Shetlands tourist season & maybe the Fair Isle Bird Obs will have trouble filling its accommodation with purely Scottish Birders through the year & would run the risk of eventual closure. So some big potential home goals by voting Yes, but the Yes campaign have stayed silent on these risks.

Cape May Warbler: Would as many birds of this calibre be found with a reduced coverage of Birders in the field following a Yes vote? Baltasound, Unst (29 Oct 13)

But again the Yes campaigners are not telling the Scottish Birders the full picture. They talk about the positives of keeping the Scottish Birds for Scottish Birders. Of how only the Scottish Birders will be able to tick species like Capercaillie, Ptarmigan, genuine Rock Dove & Crested Tit.

Rock Dove: It would be no longer possible for UK Birders to tick Rock Doves looking like this. The Yes campaign want this kept only for Scottish Birders. Instead, UK Birders will be left desperately trying to find a pure looking individual in Trafalgar Square (having had to take the whole family there as a cover story) or perhaps hoping for a lone, clean-looking Racing Pigeon to flyby at a coastal site (& hoping no questions are asked). Sollas, South Uist (4 June 12)

But what the Yes campaigners are not being honest about is the Yes campaign plan to strike off all those birds Scottish Birders have seen in England or Wales. This is their secret plan, which they managed to avoid being mentioned so far. Amazingly, it was not discussed in the recent TV debates. Today, a Scottish based Birder could book a week's holiday & head South for some easy English specialities ticks: such as Yellow-legged Gulls, Melodious Warblers & Ortolans. All of which could be fairly easily seen with a week's stay about this time of year at Portland Bird Observatory and all of which are currently tickable. If we hear a sudden appearance increase in the numbers of Scottish accents around Portland in the coming weeks, we will know that Birders living North of the border are getting these easy ticks in while they can (as they fear a Yes vote). But it will all be in vain, a Yes vote will mean all of your lists will be purged of these species. This blog has it on good authority, that Lee "Good" Heavens has already been provisionally booked to police the purges of the Scottish Birders lists. This blog understands that controversially, part of the payment for this work, is the agreement that he will be allowed to join (& remain) in the top 10 Scottish listers following the completion of these purges.

Short-toed Eagle: In the event of a Yes vote, this will be struck off your list if you saw the Scillies bird or this year's bird in Dorset or Sussex. If you saw it in Hampshire, then prehaps you should be honest & quietly change it to a Buzzard in your notebook. The Yes campaigners are hoping to attract the votes of those people that appear on Birdforum to add useful quotes to the thread of the latest UK mega to say "they would never go beyond the end of their road to see the bird". Morden Bog (31 May 14)

Yellow-legged Gull: This rare English breeding bird only breeds at a handful of sites in Southern England, but is fairly easily seen in Poole Harbour at this time of year. There have only been a handful of Scottish records this year. Scottish Birders will be forced to work hard to add this to their lists in the event of a Yes vote purging them of one seen South of the border. Brands Bay (21 April 14)

Melodious Warbler: Portland is one of the best locations for this species. With an average of only one or two a year in Scotland, this is a species you might end having to twitch an outer island to see after a Yes vote. Winspit (8 Dec 13)

Cirl Bunting: A bird most Scottish Birders will lose off their lists. With only 3 island records this millennium, this is very likely to be purged from Scottish Lists by Lee "Good" Heavens. It is likely to the first lost in a series as the Policeman, as he likes to be know, removes all the birds ticked on those old Scillies trips. Velji Do, Croatia (5 May 14)

Ortolan: Again Portland is one of the best UK locations for this species & the Yes campaign will purge this off your list if you have seen it there. It is likely to be a costly Fair Isle twitch to tick this one if the Yes campaign get their way. Yotvata, Israel (11 April 14)

So now the truth is being revealed about the real risks to your lists in the event of a Yes vote, then it is clear there are only 2 real options: Vote No or in the event of a Yes vote, move to Fair Isle.

24 May 14 - Swivel-eyed Loon Added To The IQ40 UK List

In a surprise announcement, the IQ40 club have added the Swivel-eyed Loon Gavia fruitcakei, (also known as the Swivel-eyed Diver), to the IQ40 UK List. A spokesman from the IQ40 club confirmed the Swivel-eyed Loon has been identified at a number of localities in the Home Counties. Other ornithologists have expressed concern that that the population seems to consist of elderly individuals which are not believed to have bred for many years & questioned whether the population is self sustaining in the long term. However, the IQ40 club spokesman said there are more of these in the Home Counties now than Lady Amherst's Pheasants and we still allow Lady A's to be ticked on our popular tours.

Great Northern Diver: These are clearly not Swivel-eyed Loons, which are know to only lean to the right

A spokesman from UKIQP, the political wing of the IQ40 club, commented "We broadly welcome these changes as this is our party's logo and the distinctive purple colour looks great on the Swivel-eyed Loon". We are pleased with the number of records that have been recorded all across the UK during the European Big Bird Count yesterday.

White-tailed Sea-eagle: This is turning up regularly in England these days & therefore not a troublesome species in the event of Scottish independence (Rum 1 Nov 13)

Speaking more generally, both the UKIQP and the IQ40 club spokesmen strongly supported the campaign for Scotland to remain part of the UK. Should Scotland vote for independence, then funding will be found to relocate key UK species such as Capercaillie, Crested Tit and Ptarmigan to the Lake District, saying it's important that we are allowed to continue to tick these birds on our Year Lists.  As for the so called Scottish Crossbills, the IQ40 spokesman added, we don't recognise that species as they are too hard to identify, so they can keep them. We would strongly support all plans to retain the Hebrides, Orkneys, Shetlands and Fair Isle as part of the UK, should Scotland vote for independence. 

Corn Crake: A reintroduction scheme into the Fens has already made this species cheaper to Year tick in these days of soaring fuel costs. It's hoped relocating the Capercaillie, Crested Tit and Ptarmigan further South will reduce the UK's dependency on Shetlands oil (Balranald, North Uist, 4 June 12)

When asked about two recent controversial birds, the IQ40 spokesman confirmed that the Flamborough Atlas Flycatcher will remain fully tickable (following scientific studies that showed that its DNA was indistinguishable from that of a Pied Flycatcher). Thus, it is completely tickable alongside the UK Pied Flycatcher.

"Atlas Flycatcher": Well OK, this is a Collared Flycatcher, but they all look the same, give or take a bit of black & white here & there (Beit Yatir, Israel 8 April 14) 

The IQ40 spokesman also confirmed the current Hampshire male Italian Sparrow is fully tickable, as scientific studies are also expected to show a high percentage of House Sparrow genes in it (when a DNA sample can be obtained). He added (desperately), I've already travelled to see it & I can't lose this bird off my Year list. Cynics have said the Italian Sparrow looks a bit like a cross between the following two species (perhaps that explains it). 

Spanish Sparrow: (km19 - km20, Eliat, Israel 9 April 14)

House Sparrow: (Jungle Hut, Western Ghats, India 28 Dec 13)