22 Jul 2015

22 July 15 - Coastal House Prices Set To Fall As...

In a break from the normal Posts, this is the first of an occasional Guest Posts. Today's Post has been written by Rich Foole, Lead Editorial Writer for the popular right leaning Daily Wail newspaper.

Coastal house prices are set to free fall as swarms of Killer Jellyfish invade the coastline. These Jellyfish have been arriving all along the Southern coastlines over the last few months. None of the Jellyfish have been found in possession of a UK passport and all are believed to be illegal immigrants. They appear in the night time and are making it difficult for our readers, especially the dog walkers & beach-lovers, to enjoy the beaches. Many of our readers are too scared to walk their dogs on the beaches, fearful that these Jellyfish will suddenly jump up and maul their dogs. 
Barrel Jellyfish: This looks very fat, perhaps it has already fed on a small dog. South Haven, Studland (9 July)
Budget cuts have meant the Border Force have been caught out as these Killer Jellyfish continue to arrive. A spokesman for the Border Force admitted off the record, we blame it on the problems in the Mediterranean, especially in Libya. The European Mediterranean countries should be doing more to stop them appearing in the Med. Once they get out of the Med, they are quickly arriving in areas like Calais. Here the French are encouraging them to leave French waters & make the short crossing to the British beaches.
Barrel Jellyfish: Not looking at it's best. South Haven, Studland (9 July)
The UKIQP leader, Mr Farfetched, was quick to call for the EU to pay for all the Jellyfish to be returned to Europe. He said this would not happen if the government had listened to him & built a wall all along our territorial water borders. It worked for Hadrian 1900 years ago & it could work for the UK again today.
Barrel Jellyfish: Note, the killer tentacles stretching out towards our intrepid cameraman. South Haven, Studland (9 July)
With no let up to their arrival in sight, the Daily Wail believes it won't be long before coastal house prices are in free fall. This wouldn't have happened if Mrs Thatcher was still running the government, instead of the left wing puppet, David Camerbert.
 
We do not believe the explanations about these Jellyfish by TV wildlife presenter, Steve Backshall, published recently on Twitter. Yet again it proves you should not believe what you read on social media (apart from the Daily Wail tweets, of course). The article was desperately published by The Guardian, but clearly it can't be treated seriously.

1 comment :

  1. Tomorrow in the Wail: 'What would Diana have made of jellyfish invasion?'

    ReplyDelete